I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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