Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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