My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
