yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
