Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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