yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
