you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
