Plan B is the new Plan A
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
