I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
