you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
