Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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