I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
