If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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