the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
