sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
