I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
