you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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