There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
