Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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