Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you would pick up someone in the library
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
