Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Randomize
