You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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