I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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