it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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