yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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