Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
