she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
