I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i drank out of a bidet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
