Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
