3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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