you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
