ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
