Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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