I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
