OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
