Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
