he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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