we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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