I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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