I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Can I color on your dick again?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
