Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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