fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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