shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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