I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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