so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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