I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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