oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
