Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
