No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
