I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
