i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
