apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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